Beyond the Surface

Responding to Emotional Outbursts

In my previous post, we explored the importance of acknowledging and naming our emotions accurately. Today, I’m shifting our focus to how we receive and respond to the emotions of others.

Facing the Outpouring

Few of us relish being on the receiving end of a verbal outburst, whether it’s anger, frustration, or uncapped sadness. It can feel like an attack, a threat to our personal space or authority. This scenario can unfold in any setting – at work, at home, or anywhere in our social circles.

Traditionally, we might be inclined to react defensively or aggressively. We might have learned to “fight fire with fire,” as the saying goes. But as Gandhi wisely noted, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” There’s a more productive way to get through these situations, and it starts with a shift in our approach.

The Power of Open Hands

Instead of reacting with judgment, we need to open our hands – metaphorically speaking. Judgment often takes the form of thoughts like, “They shouldn’t behave this way,” or “They should be more respectful.” These judgments prime us to be either defensive or aggressive. While pushing someone away might feel assertive in the moment, it resolves nothing and likely worsens the situation.

In personal relationships, judgment can lead to resentment and communication breakdowns. In professional settings, it creates missed opportunities for growth and learning.

Replacing Judgment with Curiosity

Here’s a powerful alternative: embrace curiosity. As Kristin Lowe, founder of Solros, reminds us, there’s often positive intent behind uncomfortable emotions. By assuming the best of the other person, we can seek to understand the root of their outburst.

Ask yourself: “What is their anger telling me about their passions?” “What is their frustration revealing about their values?” “What pain or violation might be causing their sadness?” Dr. David Burns, author of Feeling Good, suggests that this shift in mindset can transform confrontational interactions into opportunities for growth.

Acknowledging Your Own Reaction

You might experience physical responses like a racing heart or tight chest when someone confronts you emotionally. It’s natural to feel defensive or want to retaliate. Acknowledge these feelings, but then shift your focus to the other person’s concerns.

Instead of viewing the other person as a problem to be resolved, we see them as a fellow human being grappling with their emotions. This shift in perspective can transform a potentially confrontational situation into an opportunity for connection and understanding

Building a More Compassionate Community

Alisa Yu, co-author of Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, emphasises that neglecting employee emotions can erode trust. Leaders must acknowledge and address employee feelings to foster a supportive work environment. This principle extends beyond professional settings. We all benefit from practicing empathy and understanding, regardless of our role in a relationship.

In any relationship, whether professional or personal, we can benefit from applying this principle. By learning to acknowledge and respond to the emotions of others, we can create a more compassionate and supportive community for everyone around us.